A Parent's Guide to Raising Independent Children
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Raising kids to be independent and responsible is one of the
most important jobs any parent can undertake. Kids who view themselves as able
to take care of themselves are likely to experience more happiness and success.
So how can you ensure that your children have this sense of self?
Although your overall parenting style certainly has an
impact, there are also some specific things you can do. Here are some general
guidelines to start out with. Regardless of the ages of your kids, these tips are
great for encouraging them to become independent.
General Guidelines
For Raising Independent Children
1. Provide love and guidance. By creating an atmosphere of security and
support, you help your children to feel safe about taking sensible risks and
exploring their options. Be consistent about household rules and
encourage your kids to achieve in areas that are meaningful for them.
2. Extend praise and rewards judiciously. Many
studies show that it's more constructive to offer praise for effort than for
outcomes or inherent qualities like being smart. Your kids are likely
to work harder and experience less anxiety.
3. Understand the benefits of authoritative parenting.
Authoritative parents permit their kids to make their own decisions and
experience the consequences. This gives kids more opportunities to learn and
grow compared to having everything decided for them.
4. Work as a team. Be demanding and
responsive. Invite input from your kids and respect their views. Learn to give
and take when planning family meals or making sure homework gets completed.
5. Be a good role model for the relationship
between freedom and responsibility. Demonstrate how self-discipline builds a
foundation of independence. Set a good example by respecting the rights
of others.
6. Evaluate your intentions. It's easy to
project our own needs onto our kids. Learn to listen so you'll know if your
child really wants to play soccer or take advanced calculus.
Strategies to
Encourage Independence in Younger Children
1. Let your child take charge of easy tasks. From
an early age, encourage your kids to start brushing their teeth on their own or
setting the table. Each task they master will give them more confidence for
tackling bigger things.
2. Offer simple choices. Ask your child if
they want to clean their room before or after dinner. That way either decision
is a winner.
3. Help your child discover their own sources
of motivation. Intrinsic motivation is
more reliable than depending on others for incentives. Help your
children find their own reasons for giving their best efforts.
4. Create the conditions for success. Positive
outcomes reinforce good behavior. Make the first attempts to dress themselves easier
by buying shoes with Velcro fasteners or shirts with big button holes.
Strategies to
Encourage Independence in Older Children
1. Expect to be challenged. Most teens
still want close relationships with their parents but are also feeling eager
about becoming adults. Meanwhile, they're contending with rapid physical and
social changes, as well as some apprehension about these new life experiences.
Be prepared for more moodiness and conflicts.
2. Create safety agreements. You may need
to protect teens from clear dangers as they move towards adulthood. One obvious
example is avoiding driving and drinking. Agree that they can always call you
for a ride with no fear of punishment.
3. Discuss values. Teens will look to
their peers for fashion advice but they still need your guidance on moral and
ethical issues. Respect their growing maturity and discuss the complex issues
that come along with getting more privileges like driving and dating.
Fostering independence is a precious and lasting gift you can give your
child. Offering this to them will help them develop self esteem and
achieve their goals. Our sense of freedom often depends more on our mind than
on our environment. Give your child an early start in building the confidence
and self discipline necessary to live independently.
A Parent's Guide to Raising Independent Children
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